Dear Mr. President,
It has come to my attention that America is currently suffering from several problems which, together seem to be dragging the country down into a spiraling abyss of debt and depression.
I would like to propose a cure:
Cycle for America
This initiative, though beautifully simple, would, I believe, solve almost all of America's myriad problems in one fell swoop. It consists, quite simply of providing a bicycle for each and every US citizen. Expensive, yes, but only initially. The benefits would be simply immeasurable, and set America as a shining example for the rest of the globe to follow.
1. Bicycles can be used to power electricity generators, encouraging people to cycle on 'docking stations' at home would allow them to produce electricity to help run their houses, this would reduce their household expenses and make them feel better for having more money in their pocket. It would also decrease the amount of fossil fuels used in power stations, having a positive impact on the environment.
2. If you're worried about power station employees losing their jobs as a result of all the people cycling at home, don't be. All fossil fuel burning power stations are shut down. Permanently. And recycled, all that metal would make an awful lot of bicycles. Every employee of those power stations has already been given a bicycle, and now they can put them to use, cycling to generate electricity which can be used to power more houses, as well as infrastructure, manufacture, and anything else which needs electricity to function.
3. Unemployed people can cycle to produce electricity which would reduce their reliance on state provided welfare, thus boosting their disposable income. They can also sell any excess electricity produced back to the National Grid, generating extra income for themselves.
4. Exercise is universally known to be good for people, by encouraging exercise in so many ways, people would get fitter naturally, thus eradicating the obesity crisis caused by such sedentary lifestyles and food so high in calories previously un-burned in exercise and therefore stored as fat.
5. Exercise is not only an excellent way to reduce obesity and its derivative problems (heart disease, asthma etc.) but also reduces the risk of many other diseases, not only physical but mental. Many mental illnesses, including but not limited to depression, can be alleviated, and in some cases entirely avoided, by increased amounts of exercise. Exercise produces endorphins in humans, endorphins make people happy, happy people are more productive than unhappy people, and a productive population is always better than an unproductive one. And of course, the over burdened healthcare system would be hugely relieved.
6. Bicycles are an excellent, fast, and easy mode of transport. If everyone has such a fast, easy and healthy mode of transport, cars won't be used unless absolutely necessary (doing your weekly grocery shopping for a family of five cyclists would be a nightmare if you had to carry it back on your bike). This would vastly reduce the use of petroleum, thus shrinking household expenditure for millions of Americans, and making them feel richer. Richer people spend more money. People spending money is good for the economy.
7. The environment would benefit in many ways from this proposal, it would even persuade people to use less central heating in winter as exercise, as we all know, warms us up, thus reducing the need for external heating.
8. One of the main causes cited for juvenile delinquency is a lack of things for the young to do. Imagine that a cinema can be powered by cyclists who, in return for pedaling through the film (while watching of course) can watch for free. Sport centres could be powered in the same way, as well as spot lights for basketball courts, heating for swimming pools, sound systems for clubs and discos, getting the picture?
9. Congestion is a serious issue on many of America's roads, bicycles take up only a fraction of the space of a car, meaning that congestion would be greatly lessened, thus eradicating (almost) traffic jams and helping people to arrive at work happier with life.
10. At this point I'd be wondering about the people lacking the use of their legs, and my answer is simple. Arm Bikes.
I invite you to use this initiative without credit to myself, as it would be an honour to save my adopted nation from a catastrophe of obesity, poverty, and environmental destruction.
I look forward to the appearance of many more bicycles on the streets very soon.
Yours, very sincerely,
A would-be citizen and saviour of the American people.
